Ontrullfabfen is a god.

It takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, irritating newt.

Ontrullfabfen created a top quark four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ontrullfabfen, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Ontrullfabfen, it will denounce you as a heretic.

Ontrullfabfen's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Ontrullfabfen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Never feed coconuts to capybaras while wearing pink tights.

4. Worship no other gods but Ontrullfabfen.

5. Do not stand on grass.