Lambabpang is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, idiotic walrus.

Lambabpang created energy nine million years ago.

If you believe in Lambabpang, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Lambabpang, she will turn you into a snail.

Lambabpang's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Lambabpang's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about galaxies.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Never wear shorts.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Do not chop down trees.