Satlakfagpig is a god.

It takes the form of a six hundred metre long, emotional aardvark.

Satlakfagpig created the Sun six billion years ago.

If you believe in Satlakfagpig, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Satlakfagpig, it will curse you with boils.

Satlakfagpig's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Satlakfagpig's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Retreat if eight snakes approach from the west.

3. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Do not chop down trees.