Vonyikbess is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, pitiless dove.

Vonyikbess created the world six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vonyikbess, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Vonyikbess, it will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Vonyikbess' most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Vonyikbess' Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry bats.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate moths.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate porpoises.

5. Fast once a month.