Gabkemomt is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, self-assured tapir.

Gabkemomt created time and space five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gabkemomt, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Gabkemomt, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Gabkemomt's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Gabkemomt's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum field theory.

2. Draw representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Never write about special relativity.

5. Do not listen to music.