Tarpbumgig is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, stupid narwhal.

Tarpbumgig created parasitic wasps three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarpbumgig, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Tarpbumgig, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Tarpbumgig's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Tarpbumgig's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant orange sculpture of Tarpbumgig in the centre of the settlement.

2. Never go into black rooms.

3. Never chant in the presence of doves.

4. Do not drink water in gray rooms.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.