Nurkenten is a god.

It takes the form of a five hundred metre long, grumpy walrus.

Nurkenten created an atom eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Nurkenten, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Nurkenten, it will turn you into a hamster.

Nurkenten's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Nurkenten's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Always wear yellow.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of lead.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Nurkenten.

5. Never laugh in holy places.