Nulsawgep is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, unthoughtful cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Nulsawgep created viruses nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nulsawgep, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Nulsawgep, it will turn you into a snail.

Nulsawgep's most sacred site is Gadna in Hungary.

Nulsawgep's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never eat nuts.

3. Erect nine silicon sculptures of Nulsawgep on top of important buildings.

4. Put Nulsawgep first in all things.

5. Do not keep eight sharks in a large pit.