Jam is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, bad-tempered beaver.

Jam created a photon eight million years ago.

If you believe in Jam, it will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Jam, it will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Jam's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Jam's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. You must pray to Jam eight times a day.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Erect a large tin sculpture of Jam on top of all buildings.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of copper.