Zanlarpjip is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, vain owl.

Zanlarpjip created light three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zanlarpjip, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Zanlarpjip, it will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Zanlarpjip's most sacred site is Embalam in India.

Zanlarpjip's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about special relativity near bats while wearing red dresses.

2. Birds are not to be trusted.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Always help sharks in need.

5. Always look after injured hamsters.