Sogtifsog is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, amazing monkey.

Sogtifsog created the planet Earth two billion years ago.

If you believe in Sogtifsog, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Sogtifsog, he will boil you in a big pot.

Sogtifsog's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Sogtifsog's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about stars.

2. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Do not covet oxen.