Lantarphak is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, intelligent gorilla.

Lantarphak created a bottom quark two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lantarphak, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Lantarphak, she will manifest in front of you.

Lantarphak's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Lantarphak's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Run away from brown tortoises, for they are unholy.

4. Never think about galaxies.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.