Govjiphogbet is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, merciless crane.

Govjiphogbet created water seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Govjiphogbet, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Govjiphogbet, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Govjiphogbet's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Govjiphogbet's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Never feed aubergines to birds while wearing jumpers.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Erect a giant yellow sculpture of Govjiphogbet in the centre of the settlement.