Hitlintin is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, weak clam.

Hitlintin created Europe nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hitlintin, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Hitlintin, he will boil you in a big pot.

Hitlintin's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Hitlintin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt goats.

2. Always wear turquoise.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place in yellow.