Bap is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, unfair walrus.

Bap created vertebrates eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Bap, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Bap, it will destroy your favourite solar system.

Bap's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Bap's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no bats in a building before entering it.

2. Always make sure there are no birds in a room before entering it.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Snakes are not to be trusted.