Jabwabmilcib is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, irritating crab.

Jabwabmilcib created gold seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Jabwabmilcib, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Jabwabmilcib, he will turn you into a mole.

Jabwabmilcib's most sacred site is Diebzig in Germany.

Jabwabmilcib's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Never eat turnips.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Never write about comets.

5. Learn seven new languages a year.