Parkgamlim is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, uncaring elephant.

Parkgamlim created a charm quark five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Parkgamlim, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Parkgamlim, she will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Parkgamlim's most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Parkgamlim's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Never wear jumpers.

3. Never eat aubergines.

4. Learn five new languages a year.

5. Always help goats in need.