Tanflabdim is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, ruthless human.

Tanflabdim created snails eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tanflabdim, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Tanflabdim, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Tanflabdim's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Tanflabdim's Holy Commandments

1. Learn nine new languages a year.

2. Feed all hungry foxes.

3. Tanflabdim loves goats, so they must be honoured.

4. Retreat if seven porpoises approach from the south.

5. Do not dye your hair orange.