Cussmapjan is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, quiet whale.

Cussmapjan created Europe nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cussmapjan, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Cussmapjan, he will manifest in front of you.

Cussmapjan's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Cussmapjan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair white.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Never think about quantum field theory.

5. Always look after injured badgers.