Vedgofnar is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, dishonest seal.

Vedgofnar created Africa seven million years ago.

If you believe in Vedgofnar, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Vedgofnar, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Vedgofnar's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Vedgofnar's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate bats.

2. Retreat if seven geese approach from the east.

3. Do not wear purple clothing.

4. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

5. Never jump in the presence of capybaras.