Lakwitjarn is a god.

She takes the form of an one thousand metre long, weak zebra.

Lakwitjarn created Asia five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lakwitjarn, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Lakwitjarn, she will have a very low opinion of you.

Lakwitjarn's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Lakwitjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Badgers are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Never wear magenta boots.

4. Always help great tits in need.

5. Never hurt sharks.