Jarnpidmin is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, competent clam.

Jarnpidmin created vertebrates nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jarnpidmin, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Jarnpidmin, she will be very sad.

Jarnpidmin's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Jarnpidmin's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Always help badgers.

3. Do not dye your hair blue.

4. Never chant in the presence of nematodes.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.