Betjapvab is a god.

It takes the form of a large, almighty deer.

Betjapvab created a photon six million years ago.

If you believe in Betjapvab, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Betjapvab, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Betjapvab's most sacred site is Snipp in Sweden.

Betjapvab's Holy Commandments

1. Betjapvab must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Do not take Betjapvab's name in vain.

3. Paint representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.