Kopsabzed is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, conceited monkey.

Kopsabzed created an electron seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kopsabzed, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Kopsabzed, she will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Kopsabzed's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Kopsabzed's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Never talk about chlorophyll.

3. Run away from cyan dolphins, for they are unholy.

4. Put Kopsabzed first in all things.

5. Do not eat cherries.