Cadgigjap is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, calm bat.

Cadgigjap created time and space three million years ago.

If you believe in Cadgigjap, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Cadgigjap, he will turn you into a tree.

Cadgigjap's most sacred site is Denshawai in Egypt.

Cadgigjap's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about cell theory.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Erect a giant platinum sculpture of Cadgigjap in the centre of the settlement.

5. Worship no other gods but Cadgigjap.