Pakflamdabarn is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, pitiless troll.

Pakflamdabarn created carbon nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Pakflamdabarn, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Pakflamdabarn, it will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Pakflamdabarn's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Pakflamdabarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about planets.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Worship no other gods but Pakflamdabarn.

4. Never eat parsnips.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.