Volmipfid is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, temperamental crow.

Volmipfid created a photon seven million years ago.

If you believe in Volmipfid, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Volmipfid, it will manifest in front of you.

Volmipfid's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Volmipfid's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about black holes.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Never talk about electromagnetism near turtles while wearing brown boots.

5. Do not covet oxen.