Watfenpan is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, thoughtless deer.

Watfenpan created dark matter six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Watfenpan, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Watfenpan, she will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Watfenpan's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Watfenpan's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry seals.

2. Worship no other gods but Watfenpan.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Do not wear indigo clothing.