Nell is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, omniscient unicorn.

Nell created snails nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nell, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Nell, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Nell's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Nell's Holy Commandments

1. Nell loves gulls, so they must be respected.

2. Always help horses.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Never think about black holes.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of tin.