Quagcepkip is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, selfish seal.

Quagcepkip created the cosmos four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quagcepkip, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Quagcepkip, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Quagcepkip's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Quagcepkip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not keep four horses in a large pit.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Learn eight new languages a year.

4. Never eat strawberries.

5. Never eat green fruit.