Arfstragquaf is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, smart giraffe.

Arfstragquaf created bats five billion years ago.

If you believe in Arfstragquaf, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Arfstragquaf, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Arfstragquaf's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Arfstragquaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not jump in public.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate whales.

3. Retreat if eight ants approach from the south.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Arfstragquaf.

5. Always stare at clouds.