Tonklikbif Volgupbit is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, ill-tempered snake.

Tonklikbif Volgupbit created the planet Earth three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tonklikbif Volgupbit, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Tonklikbif Volgupbit, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Tonklikbif Volgupbit's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Tonklikbif Volgupbit's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Tonklikbif Volgupbit.

2. Put Tonklikbif Volgupbit first in all things.

3. Never wear coats.

4. Do not speak about figs.

5. Always help moths in need.