Bugquarttif is a god.

He takes the form of a large, selfish snake.

Bugquarttif created the Sun six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bugquarttif, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Bugquarttif, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Bugquarttif's most sacred site is Elatos in Greece.

Bugquarttif's Holy Commandments

1. Put Bugquarttif first in all things.

2. Great tits are not to be trusted.

3. Do not kill gulls.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Respect your elders.