Kampangbamrotcissfarncanhen is a god.

It takes the form of a two thousand metre long, egotistical snail.

Kampangbamrotcissfarncanhen created the world seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kampangbamrotcissfarncanhen, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Kampangbamrotcissfarncanhen, it will destroy your home planet.

Kampangbamrotcissfarncanhen's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Kampangbamrotcissfarncanhen's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Kampangbamrotcissfarncanhen.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Never talk about grasshopers.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.