Ortqueegyok is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, merciful slug.

Ortqueegyok created matter five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ortqueegyok, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Ortqueegyok, it will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Ortqueegyok's most sacred site is Elatos in Greece.

Ortqueegyok's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Learn five new languages a year.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Do not eat aubergines.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.