Ontflam is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, competent faun.

Ontflam created parasitic wasps six billion years ago.

If you believe in Ontflam, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Ontflam, he will jump up and down on your head.

Ontflam's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Ontflam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Never eat spinach.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Never mention geese.