Pomjatzed is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, awesome capybara.

Pomjatzed created the Whirlpool Galaxy six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Pomjatzed, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Pomjatzed, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Pomjatzed's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Pomjatzed's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

2. Do not keep six snakes in a large pit.

3. Never think about chromosomes.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never write about dark energy.