Bagtettisas is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, ill-tempered aardvark.

Bagtettisas created oxygen nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Bagtettisas, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Bagtettisas, he will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Bagtettisas' most sacred site is Evol in France.

Bagtettisas' Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Paint representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place in pink.

4. Do not drink water in green rooms.

5. Do not dye your hair fawn.