Sterlatcib is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, compassionate elephant.

Sterlatcib created light three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Sterlatcib, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Sterlatcib, he will turn you into a rock.

Sterlatcib's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Sterlatcib's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear brown clothing.

2. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

3. Do not eat corn.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Never look at moons.