Jarnnullarnran is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, omnipotent eagle.

Jarnnullarnran created tapeworms six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jarnnullarnran, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Jarnnullarnran, she will come to you in dreams.

Jarnnullarnran's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Jarnnullarnran's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your face.

2. Do not dye your hair turquoise.

3. Never talk about thermodynamics.

4. Always look after injured grasshopers.

5. Run away from black monkeys, for they are unholy.