Barnquamgon is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, passionate gorilla.

Barnquamgon created the planet Jupiter two years ago.

If you believe in Barnquamgon, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Barnquamgon, he will turn you into a plant.

Barnquamgon's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Barnquamgon's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about gravity.

2. Barnquamgon loves pigs, so they must be respected.

3. Erect four aluminium sculptures of Barnquamgon on top of important buildings.

4. Never skip near rats.

5. Fast once a month.