Tigfitfum is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, slow hamster.

Tigfitfum created a top quark three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tigfitfum, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Tigfitfum, she will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Tigfitfum's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Tigfitfum's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no goats in a building before entering it.

2. Feed all hungry sharks.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Never run in holy places.

5. Never think about solid mechanics near doves while wearing mauve ear rings and balancing seven silver spheres on your face.