Teenflamgodhun is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, idiotic frog.

Teenflamgodhun created matter seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Teenflamgodhun, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Teenflamgodhun, he will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Teenflamgodhun's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Teenflamgodhun's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair gray.

2. Always help great tits.

3. Never think about gravity near eagles while wearing white skirts and balancing nine silicon spheres on your face.

4. Never sprint near sharks.

5. Never talk about quantum mechanics near foxes while wearing red shorts.