Bastjatgess is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, sapient mongoose.

Bastjatgess created a photon four million years ago.

If you believe in Bastjatgess, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Bastjatgess, it will boil you in a big pot.

Bastjatgess' most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Bastjatgess' Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Never eat aubergines.

4. Never write about optics.

5. Pray towards the north.