Vanweeapp is a god.

It takes the form of a very thin, wise monkey.

Vanweeapp created a bottom quark nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Vanweeapp, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Vanweeapp, it will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Vanweeapp's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Vanweeapp's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Erect a giant gray sculpture of Vanweeapp in the centre of the settlement.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Goats are not to be trusted.

5. Do not cook food in pots.