Timvondotfuntettiyaktim is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, unselfish troll.

Timvondotfuntettiyaktim created energy seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Timvondotfuntettiyaktim, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Timvondotfuntettiyaktim, he will think nothing of it.

Timvondotfuntettiyaktim's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Timvondotfuntettiyaktim's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from red voles, for they are unholy.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of silver.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Never think about the strong nuclear force near manatees while wearing magenta dresses and balancing six carbon spheres on your face.

5. Geese are unholy and should not be approached.