Japlakzagged Lopfly is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, emotional meerkat.

Japlakzagged Lopfly created a bottom quark four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Japlakzagged Lopfly, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Japlakzagged Lopfly, she will turn you into a giant slug.

Japlakzagged Lopfly's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Japlakzagged Lopfly's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick cats.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Japlakzagged Lopfly.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Never mention swans.