Zaknakbed is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, bad-tempered frog.

Zaknakbed created light three million years ago.

If you believe in Zaknakbed, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Zaknakbed, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Zaknakbed's most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Zaknakbed's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Zaknakbed.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not shave your chest.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Always help squirrels.