Kimstigmig is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, emotional clam.

Kimstigmig created an up quark nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kimstigmig, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Kimstigmig, it will have a low opinion of you.

Kimstigmig's most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Kimstigmig's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant tin sculpture of Kimstigmig in the centre of the settlement.

2. Always obey Kimstigmig's priests.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. You must love Kimstigmig.

5. Always take life seriously.