Dumzogtof is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, omnipotent slug.

Dumzogtof created energy six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dumzogtof, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Dumzogtof, he will destroy your favourite planet.

Dumzogtof's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Dumzogtof's Holy Commandments

1. Never sit near gulls.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Never think about quantum field theory near snakes while wearing indigo shoes and balancing seven aluminium spheres on your legs.

4. Erect a large platinum sculpture of Dumzogtof on top of all buildings.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.