Lakbetsas is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, all-knowing faun.

Lakbetsas created light two billion years ago.

If you believe in Lakbetsas, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Lakbetsas, he will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Lakbetsas' most sacred site is Inshas in Egypt.

Lakbetsas' Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Never talk about special relativity near aardvarks while wearing green dresses and balancing seven carbon spheres on your feet.

3. Never think ill of sick grasshopers.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Never talk about tapirs.