Lagtapstrag is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, competent tapir.

Lagtapstrag created time and space six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lagtapstrag, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Lagtapstrag, it will throw large rocks at you.

Lagtapstrag's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Lagtapstrag's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Do not trade with those who eat bananas.

3. Never laugh in the presence of doves.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Never think about fluid mechanics.