Hapabfid is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, thoughtless tortoise.

Hapabfid created the solar system two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hapabfid, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Hapabfid, she will turn you into a duck.

Hapabfid's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Hapabfid's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no horses in a building before entering it.

2. Do not eat strawberries.

3. Never think about the weak nuclear force near doves while wearing violet dresses and balancing nine platinum spheres on your chest.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate hamsters.

5. Badgers are unholy and should not be approached.